I have wanted to foster animals for years. After working for a wonderful rescue organization and partnering with multiple county shelters in my previous life, I’ve seen first-hand how important and needed fosters are. My husband and I fostered Murphy, a kitten with serious swagger, for six weeks years ago, but learned that having other animals in the house was too stressful for my own dogs. After our pups passed away, we gave ourselves time to grieve and then finally began our fostering journey.
To date, we have fostered one dog named Simon, so my experience is quite limited. In fact, the reason I reached out to other fosters to share their stories is not only because I thought the world should hear them, but because I wanted to have a better understanding of how my experience compared with others.
Look at this sweet baby. He loves to snuggle!
I had no idea what to expect with this first dog foster experience, and I’ll be honest in saying that I found it to be an emotional roller coaster, full of laughter and frustration, sweetness and anguish.
Simon was found as a stray and later entered a service dog training program through a local women’s correctional facility. Simon loves to learn but found the environment too stressful. I just happened to be meeting with the director of the Humane Society that cared for Simon as a stray when the training program he was then part of requested that the Humane Society take him back. I hadn’t planned on fostering a dog at that time (though I was planning to foster in the near future), but I volunteered to take Simon if the director took him back into their program. A few days later, Simon came to live with us.
This poor guy brought with him a complex package of anxiety, fear and pent-up energy. Despite his nervousness with a new home and family, he bonded with me very quickly, keeping me company everywhere I went in the house and lying on my feet or crawling into my lap whenever he could. Such a lover!
Presumably because of his prior training program as well as an eagerness to please, Simon felt like he always had to be “on.” If I looked at him, he immediately went into a “sit” and then a “down,” and then he’d pop back up and do it again, waiting for his reward. My top priority when he first came to me was to help him expend all that energy but also to teach him how to relax. He was pretty wild for the first week, but then something dramatic happened…he started to rest. His brain started to realize that he was safe and comfortable and could be himself with me, without having to perform.
Simon’s high energy levels led me to hiking with him twice a day, tallying about 7 miles each day! It was great exercise for both of us, but after a while, I realized that those hikes were actually quite stressful for Simon. When I first got him, Simon was a bit agitated when we saw other dogs. His agitation increased over time and started to include seeing people and vehicles. He whined and jumped and generally acted crazy. I couldn’t tell if his reactivity was anxiety/fear-based or from excitement. The few times other dogs got too close, Simon was always polite, but still excited such that he was hard to handle if we were on a narrow trail.
On days when Simon was overextended, he was a bit bratty. His puppy mouthiness increased and he was wired, constantly begging for attention. He didn’t know how to communicate in a way most people would consider appropriate, using his mouth to nip when he needed something. Like a toddler who was emotionally exhausted but refused to sleep, he’d go, go, go until, finally, he’d crash in our laps. Over time, I learned to avoid Simon’s triggers, the things that had him so emotionally spent, and he became much calmer and more enjoyable to be around. Nevertheless, there were many days that Simon needed a lot of attention, and it was hard for me to relax in my own home.
We started taking private lessons with a local rescue and education group (Kitsap Animal Rescue and Education) who offered to help me train Simon for free. Their commitment to him (and me) was heartwarming and exactly the encouragement I needed. We worked on desensitizing Simon to the things that triggered his anxiety and made slow but excellent progress. Initially, Simon refused treats when he was too excited. After weeks of training, he would focus on me for his treats rather than paying attention to the passing vehicle, which previously demanded all his attention.
We stopped walking in public in order to avoid his triggers and instead played fetch and other games in our small fenced yard. Simon is the master at creating games out of nothing. Some of his favorite “toys” were plastic nursery pots and a plastic concrete mixing bin! He would push them around and toss them in the air, all while grunting these cute play noises. And he loved to search for his food. He has a great nose!
Despite Simon’s happiness, I really struggled to give him everything he needed given our small yard. It’s challenging for a large dog to play hard when he can only run 20 to 30 feet. I dreamed of the day that Simon would have a large fenced yard and a canine playmate. I just knew that that was what he needed most. Of course, given how he acted around other dogs from afar, I had no idea if that would be possible.
When I first got Simon, I thought he’d stay with us to decompress for a bit and then be on his way. A young lab with a sweet temperament, of course he’d be adopted quickly. But once we got to know Simon better, we realized that he needed a very specific environment in which to thrive, and finding that person/home was going to be challenging. To add to the stress, I was scheduled to go out of town and my trip was quickly approaching. I lost sleep worrying that we wouldn’t find a family for Simon before I had to leave and that he would have to go into a less-than-ideal home situation. He’d already been through so much, and I hated that I was leaving him.
Thankfully my worrying was for nothing. I’m happy to report that Simon did, in fact, find the perfect family! He and his brother Koda are best friends, and his mom knows exactly how to work with Simon because she helped Koda with some of the same challenges. Simon now has a large yard, a canine playmate and a mom who loves them both. I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome!
Look at Simon and Koda relaxing together. Best friends!
My Thoughts on the Whole Experience?
As you probably gathered, I felt a range of emotions throughout this first dog foster experience. Deep love for Simon. Frustration over his reactivity; sadness because of his fears. Joy watching him play and have fun. Patience trying to learn how to communicate with a new dog and develop a routine that would work for both of us. Worry over finding a good match for him. Inadequacy because of my lack of experience working with dogs with reactivity. Sadness that my home environment wasn’t a good fit for him. Resignation that my time for my own projects/exercise/etc. would have to come after Simon was adopted because he needed me. Such pride in Simon’s progress at managing his fears, gaining confidence and mastering good manners. Amplified grief missing my dogs who have since passed. Emotional and physical exhaustion for so many reasons. Nervousness that Simon’s potential adopter wouldn’t choose him or the meet-and-greet with the adopter’s dog wouldn’t go well. Sheer elation seeing Simon running and playing with his new canine brother for the first time. Gratefulness to have been part of his story. Relief that the experience was over. Sadness going home to a Simon-free house.
After leaving Simon with his new family, I came back to an empty house. I looked out the window and saw this ball sitting on the deck, waiting for Simon to play. And while I felt such relief for his adoption and joy for his happiness, I also felt like my home was missing something. And while I relished the peace, I missed Simon more than I expected.
With all these mixed emotions being laid bare, you’re probably wondering if fostering is something I plan to try again. Honestly, I needed time to process my experience before I could answer that question because it really was emotionally draining in the best and worst ways. But after having time to sit with it, I know that I’d like to foster again.
I’ve learned a lot through this foster experience and now have a better idea of which pets make sense for us to foster based on our home environment and lifestyle. Plus, I have a better understanding of my own limitations. I’m a natural caregiver and tend to give 100 percent to the people and pets in my care, even if this means sacrificing myself. It’s important that I maintain balance in order to stay healthy, and if I want to continue fostering for a while, and I do, I’ll need to better manage my commitment to my fosters and to myself.
So what’s next for us in our fostering journey? First, we’re giving ourselves a break to work on projects and spend time with friends and family, things that were pushed to the side while my focus was on Simon. Then we’ll look into short-term foster situations – giving dogs a night or two out, taking in pets who only need a short amount of time before they’re ready for adoption. I’m planning to volunteer at my local shelter, walking dogs and maybe even taking some on field trips to local hiking trails. And when we’re ready, we’ll welcome another dog or cat who might need us for an extended period.
My first foster experience was not the easy one I had expected and hoped for. It came with numerous challenges, but in the end, am I glad I began this foster journey? Specifically, am I glad I said yes to Simon, a dog who needed so much from me? With all my heart, I can say that I’m glad I said yes. That I gave Simon the chance to get out of a stressful environment, to find a place where he could relax and play and feel loved. To be a stepping stone for him to finding his forever family. The sacrifice was absolutely worth it.
I fostered Murphy with Paws4ever in North Carolina and Simon through the Humane Society of Mason County in Washington. Please contact them if you’re interested in fostering with them.
This story is part of a larger project The Highs & Lows of Fostering Animals where fosters share their stories in their own words.
